


You're Robin my Heart

by hitthedeck



Series: Waynes? More like Wayne-kers [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Crack Treated Seriously, Do Not Repost to Other Sites, Do not repost, Gen, Humor, Kidnapping, he teaches his sons all they need to know, is this just my niche???, ras al ghul is a proud grandpa, talia al ghul is angry but when is she not, why is it that every time i write a batman fic someone gets kidnapped and someone flirts, why is writing damian "murder" wayne so hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:22:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29356392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hitthedeck/pseuds/hitthedeck
Summary: Talia al Ghul finally has some time to catch up with her son and learn what her beloved has been teaching him. It's not what she expected.Or, in which Bruce Wayne teaches Damian how to flirt.
Series: Waynes? More like Wayne-kers [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2156439
Comments: 6
Kudos: 160





	You're Robin my Heart

Talia dragged Damian down the dimly lit hallway of a League of Assassins base, torches flickering ominously on stone walls in time with her breath. Her son groaned, bleeding sluggishly from a wound on his stomach and a cut on his face as his knees scraped against the ground painfully.

"Do not struggle, son," Talia said coldly. "It is unbecoming of you to defy your fate."

"Don't flatter yourself, Mother." Damian spat a bloody globule on the ground. Drugged limbs reached up weakly in an attempt to remove Talia's grip from his cape. "You can hardly be called an agent of destiny."

Talia sneered at Damian's feeble attempts at escape and kicked him sharply in the ribs, ruthless grin widening at the resounding groan.

"Pathetic. Your father has tainted you with his spineless, toothless ways."

Snarling, Damian managed to pull himself upright and swayed unsteadily on his feet, lurching forward dangerously. Talia yanked on his cape sharply, forcing him to overbalance and fall on his knees once more. He looked up at her, eyes burning with hate.

"How dare you," he hissed, still so proud and ineffable despite his current predicament. "You have the audacity to insult Father to my face?! He is far stronger than you could ever hope to be, you sniveling harlot! Father has taught me more than you ever have!"

"Such a filial display," Talia purred mockingly, her cold expression gone and now replaced with one of dark amusement. With an expertly placed kick that Damian's tired body couldn't keep up with, Talia had him on his back. She let go of his cape and grabbed one of his ankles, dragging him through a set of heavy wooden doors like a child dragging a blanket.

The doors opened to a large balcony that overlooked a sandpit arena, golden grains stained with the blood of the many killed within its circular confines. The balcony was empty of furnishings save one elaborately carved chair with luxurious red cushions, upon which Ra's al Ghul sat elegantly. His expression was as severe as ever, made menacing by the eerie flicker of torchlight.

"Grandson," he said. "You disappoint me. With your training, it should have been easy to overcome our forces, and yet here you are. You are weak."

"My beloved has corrupted him with his soft minded ways," Talia said in response. "He has been ruined."

"Father hasn't corrupted me, he's shown me the true path!" Damian screamed.

"You fool! You've been blinded by your father's foolishness. Sending you to him was meant to make you strong, but he's made you weak!"

"I'll show you weak-"

"Enough!" Ra's commanded. "Do not let your anger blind you to our true purpose, daughter."

Ra's tilted his head to one side like a bird of prey, his powerful, raptor-like gaze cutting into Damian's very soul.

"Grandson. Reclaim your birthright and cast away your weaknesses. Forsake the Batman's teachings and return to the League of Assassins."

"Never," Damian hissed without hesitation. "Father has taught me things more precious than life itself."

"You defy your mother? You defy your grandfather? You defy the clamouring of your ancestors, _defy_ the will of your noble bloodline?" Talia asked quietly, taking one menacing step forward. The clack of her shoes was crisp against the wooden floor, each precise click counting down to Damian's impending doom.

"Until the end of time," Damian vowed.

"Then show me!" Talia commanded, effortlessly lifting Damian up and throwing him off of the balcony into the sand pit ring below. She leaned over the railing, her laughter piercing Damian like shards of ice. 

"Show me what your precious father has taught you! Show me those lessons of yours, the ones that you think are more precious than life itself! Show me, my wretched son!"

Gritting his teeth, Damian slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position, one arm dragging awkwardly through the coarse sand. Dislocated, but not broken. He popped it back in with a grimace, wincing as the sand rubbed against his stomach wound.

A woman dressed in skin tight back leather slithered out of the shadows, her nose and mouth hidden by a black veil. In her left hand was a wickedly curved knife as long as her forearm, the blade a peculiar shade of silver-black. Her dark eyes flashed wickedly as she twirled her blade once.

Damian snarled wordlessly at her. He looked back up at his mother who sneered down at him, joined by an emotionless Ra's al Ghul.

"You want to see what Father has taught me? I will show you. I will show you his true power!"

Damian struggled to his feet, breath laboured. The lady assassin surged forward and slashed at his neck in one quick, exact blow, a dark blur against the sand.

Damian threw himself to the side, rolling and dodging as the lady assassin slashed at him again and again. As she plunged her knife toward him once more, Damian grabbed the lady assassin's arm and twisted it, using his full weight to slam her against the wall.

In an instant, Damian's face turned from a painful grimace to a suave grin.

"Hey," he said in a voice like velvet. "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Up above, Talia blanched. Beside her, Ra's went starry-eyed.

The lady assassin stared at Damian dumbfoundedly, eyes wide and round. Snapping out of her shock, she lifted her knife again and tried to slam it into Damian's skull, only for him to catch her arm. He grunted with effort, letting his gaze skim both the blade and her face before he smiled again, this time more charmingly than before.

"What a lovely blade. Both elegant and deadly, just like its wielder." His fingers gently trailed down the frozen assassin's arm flirtatiously, light like a lover's kiss. He leaned in, his lips just barely brushing against her ear. " _Stunning_."

The lady assassin flushed.

"What the fuck," Talia said faintly, one hand pressed to her heart.

"That's my grandson," Ras said, looking like he was three seconds away from crying tears of joy. Talia whipped around to look at him, aghast.

"Father! Don't encourage him!"

Below, the lady assassin, now red-faced with embarrassment, escaped Damian's grip and attacked him with no remorse, each slash and thrust a crippling blow if it connected. Damian dodged with effort, weighed down by the hole in his stomach.

"Hey, don't be like that!" he called, still wearing that stupid charming grin, if a bit strained. "Why don't we go out sometime? You, me, coffee, maybe a little bit of murder, you know, something nice like that."

The lady assassin flushed a brighter red, fumbling as her knife slipped from her suddenly loose grip. She covered her face with her hands, quaking as she nodded quickly. Damian laughed in victory, flipping Talia the bird.

"And you called father's teachings useless!" he crowed.

"Stop that!" Talia screeched, floundering for words. "I want you to show me what your Father taught you, not this… this… this _disgrace_!"

"Then I will show you Father's ultimate technique!" Damian yelled. With great self-importance, he swept the lady assassin's hand into his own. He winked roguishly, eyes twinkling, and laid a gentle, intimate kiss across the back of her hand.

The lady assassin swooned.

Talia screamed.

Ra's tenderly wiped a tear away from his eyes.

"I'm so proud," he whispered.

* * *

BONUS: ONE PROUD PAPA

Red Robin felt a bead of sweat drip down his neck as he clung to his grappling hook for dear life, hidden underneath the balcony directly under Talia and Ra's al Ghul's feet. He watched with mixed emotions as Damian flirted with the female assassin trying to kill him.

On one hand, this was prime blackmail material.

On the other hand, Damian would kill him slowly and painfully if he knew Tim was there.

On the third proverbial hand in this little scenario, Tim was strangely proud of the demon brat for so mercilessly destroying Talia's hopes and dreams.

So what the hell was he supposed to do?

"Batman," he whispered into his comms. "What the hell do I do?"

Through the comm, Tim heard Batman sniffle.

"I'm so proud of him," the Dark Knight whispered.

"Okay," Tim whispered back, "but what do I do?!"

**Author's Note:**

> Damian is so hard to write what the hell. He's all "Father this!" and "Father that!" and "I am so formal that I always sound like I'm yelling really angry soliloquies!" so please don't come for me if I didn't do murderbird justice, I tried lol.
> 
> When is this supposed to take place? How was Damian kidnapped? Why is Talia being like that? Yes indeed, those are all questions. Now I'm off to erase my web history so no one can see how many Batman pickup lines I looked at before deciding on a title.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please let me know if you see any mistakes so I can fix them. I hope you all have a great day!


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